


oh be near me

by Penthos



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, breaking news: star wars is gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 14:30:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5747920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Penthos/pseuds/Penthos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"That's my jacket," He's saying and Finn starts trying to tug it off because he's been wearing it so long he'd almost forgotten that it's not even his in the first place, but Poe stops him, "Keep it, it looks good on you." He bites his lip and Finn tries not to stare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	oh be near me

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from death with dignity by sufjan stevens

The first time Finn sees Poe after Jakku he realises just how much he'd missed him. It's not that Poe has been easy to forget, (far from it; Poe is probably the most unforgettable person Finn has ever met), but with everything that happened in between it's hard to find time to grieve the lost friendship. 

But then he's at the D'Qar base and sees BB-8 moving at full tilt towards someone in an orange X-Wing jumpsuit and realises with a jolt that it's _Poe_ and immediately gets hit with a face full of emotions that settle discordantly in his chest. 

But that's something to worry about another time because Poe has seen him too and the look on his face is something Finn never wants to forget. The distance between them closes and then Poe is throwing himself around Finn as if they've known each other their whole lives, and all Finn can do is hug back with everything he's got. When they pull back Finn can feel eyes on them but Poe seems to be oblivious to it so he shakes off the feeling and just runs with it. 

"That's my jacket," He's saying and Finn starts trying to tug it off because he's been wearing it so long he'd almost forgotten that it's not even his in the first place, but Poe stops him, "Keep it, it looks good on you." He bites his lip and Finn tries not to stare.

/// 

Then everything goes to hell. Things are good for a bit, during the planning stages of the final mission, and Finn feels like he's beginning to find his feet. He's useful to them and he knows this, but he also knows that he has to save Rey so he volunteers to head the mission with Han and Chewbacca and tries to swallow past the lump of pure terror in his throat.

Being on Starkiller base feels like jumping into a pool of freezing water and the similarities to the Star Destroyer he'd been stationed on are unnerving. He keeps moving, though. Somehow they get Phasma (and that feeling of triumph is something he will treasure) and they find Rey with a surprising amount of ease and for a moment Finn really thinks they're all going to make it out easily. 

He's wrong, obviously. Han tumbles off the walkway unceremoniously and Finn can barely comprehend what's happening. Time seems to blur as they stumble out into the snow and his ears ring when the bombs go off and when he closes his eyes all he can see are the bright, bright flashes of the X-Wings as they come hurtling out of the sky. Poe's in one of them and Finn finds himself hoping against hope that he makes it out alive. He prays to any higher power that might be listening and follows Rey through the snow.

And then- Kylo Ren is there and Finn would laugh at just how badly this mission is going if he wasn't facing his potential death. The lightsaber in his hands is cold and his experience is limited to the fight on Takodana, but it's not much different from the close combat training he had in the First Order and he hopes that will be sufficient. 

He fights for Rey, lying in the snow behind him, unsure if she's alive or dead. He fights for Han, and for Chewbacca, and for Leia who will leave this fight with her own scars. He fights for Luke Skywalker. And he fights for Poe, the pilot who gave him a name and a home, who trusted him when he barely trusted himself.

Finn remembers the moment in the TIE fighter when he was whooping and cheering in excitement and he thinks, if he dies now, at least he has that memory. At least one good thing happened in his life.

/// 

He doesn't die. Kylo Ren slices up his back pretty good though, and the doctor that comes to check on him when he wakes up properly for the first time tells him he's lucky to escape with feeling in his legs, let alone his life.

He has time to think, plenty of that, while he's in the medbay. He has nothing better to do than drift in and out of medicated sleep and stare at the whitewash ceiling. Everyone is still busy wrapping up missions, final supply drops and evacs from places ravaged by the First Order, and for the first week that Finn is properly conscious the only person he sees is General Organa. 

Her face has far more lines than he remembers and her eyes are dark with lack of sleep.

She tells him about the mission, about how Rey saved his life and how Poe saved everyone's life (Finn's heart jumps a little at the mention of his name and the weight on his chest eases. Poe's okay. Rey's okay. He breathes.). And now Rey's training to be a jedi with Luke Skywalker himself while Finn lies in a hospital bed. He's only the tiniest bit jealous. 

"Thank you, Finn, for everything you've done for the Resistance. Your help has been invaluable." She says and shakes his hand. 

He doesn't know how to respond to that so he nods. He feels the irrational urge to apologise but he doesn't know what for. "I'm sorry I couldn't save your husband"? "I'm sorry I tried to kill your son who had just murdered his father"? His head is starting to hurt and he's thankful that she leaves swiftly.

He'd been unconscious for just over two weeks, and in that time the base has grieved and moved on. He had missed the service, of course, but the nurse who comes to check on him twice a day tells him about it. 

"That's how it goes, I guess," She says sombrely as she checked his vitals, "Almost everyone here has lost someone. We mourn and we continue with our lives. There's nothing else we can do."

/// 

When the pilots return for good (or at least for the foreseeable future) the mood on the base lifts beyond belief. Finn's only just getting back on his feet and the doctor expressly forbade him from going to watch them all land and join in the celebrations.

The cheers echo through the corridors and Finn imagines Poe being lifted on people's shoulders, hailed as the hero of the resistance. He smiles at the thought and realises that Poe is probably the closest thing he has to a friend on the base. He doesn't know when he'll get to see him again, but he hopes it's soon.

It is soon. Poe appears at his door less than an hour later, still in his jumpsuit and beaming bigger than Finn's ever seen. And that's saying something for Poe. He opens his mouth but before he can speak BB-8 comes barrelling in, barely avoiding a crash, and screeches to a stop at his bedside chirping and beeping and spinning around in excitement. 

Finn chuckles at the little droid and pats it's head before looking up at Poe, still standing in the doorway and for once, he looks speechless. 

"Hey, Poe." He says and Poe's face looks like the sun breaking through clouds.

"You're okay. God, you're okay." He crosses the room in a second and sits on the bed, ignoring the way BB-8 beeps indignantly at it's loss of attention.

"So are you." Finn says. 

"They told me what happened, that you fought Kylo Ren-"

"Well, it was mostly Rey-"

"Finn, you're practically a hero." Poe is looking at him so intently that Finn almost misses what he says. 

"I- What?" 

"It's all down to you that we did what we did. Your First Order knowledge saved us all. And you completed my mission with the map and protected it from the First Order and it's basically thanks to you that Rey is training to be a jedi now!"

Finn's head is spinning from all this and Poe is still beaming at him and BB-8 is whirring from the floor and it all feels like too much and-

Poe reaches out and takes his hand and everything seems to slow down. He breathes. 

"Yeah, I mean, that's true," He says carefully, "But it was Rey who saved my life and it was you who blew up the Starkiller. I just kind of- Helped the people who saved the day. I'm no hero." He mumbles and his face flushes as he says the word. Less than two months ago he had been FN-2187 and now people are calling him a hero. It doesn't seem right. 

"Call it what you will," Poe says gently and squeezes his hand, "But you can't argue with the fact that the entire base thinks you're fucking fantastic."

Finn laughs and the tension eases from the room. 

"Which I definitely deserve some credit for," Poe continues, "Since I thought you were fucking fantastic before it was cool and therefore started the "Finn Is Fucking Fantastic" trend. So you're welcome." 

Poe grins at him and he matches it. 

"Thanks. Although I feel like I'm probably late to the "Poe Dameron Is Fucking Fantastic" party." 

Poe gives a dramatic sigh and artfully runs his hands through his hair.

"I just can't help that I'm so famous."

The effects is almost entirely ruined by the fact that there's motor oil on his nose and goggle imprints still around his eyes and Finn laughs hard enough that it hurts his back but when Poe joins in it's more than worth it.

/// 

Finn finds his feet quite literally this time as he makes it through physical therapy. It seems like Poe is always by his side, offering an arm or a shoulder when he needs it and a never-ending supply of stories that make what would be gruelling hours of stretches and exercises pass by easily.

Before he knows it he's been discharged from the medbay, with nothing to his name but the uniform clothes he'd been given and Poe's stitched up and grimy jacket. He wouldn't trade it for the world though; it's the closest thing he has to home now, and he wears it like armour. 

The first time he goes down to dinner (Poe on one side, BB-8 on the other) he's greeted with a roar of applause as people cheer and clap (someone wolf whistles but he chooses to gracefully ignore it). He smiles, hoping he's not blushing too obviously, and maybe he grips Poe's arm a little tighter as he leads them to a table but hey, he's been through a lot, okay?

It's overwhelming to say the least, and as people walk past they clap him on the shoulder or shake his hand and tell him "Thank you" and he smiles and looks to Poe for reassurance. Poe, who has a look on his face that Finn can't quite place but BB-8 beeps something under the table and Poe seems to shake himself out of it and says "You're doing great, buddy" with his Poe Dameron Grin™. 

When they finally battle their way out of there Finn's face hurts from smiling and Poe throws an arm casually around his shoulders. He leans into it, breathing in the smell that is so _Poe,_ that still lingers around the jacket despite what it's been through. 

"Are you.. smelling me?" Poe asks suspiciously and uh oh. Has Finn overstepped some line? The First Order wasn't great for learning about social norms. Maybe smelling someone isn't socially acceptable. 

"Uh." Finn says, at loss for words, and Poe only laughs. He doesn't remove his arm though, so Finn doesn't think it's too bad an offence.

"What do I smell of then? Engine oil and sweat probably. What a lovely combination."

"No, no," Finn says, "I don't know, like your jacket. So I guess you smell like you. It's nice." 

"Fair enough then. I'd rather smell like me than someone else." 

BB-8 beeps from where it's rolling along beside them and Poe glares at it. Finn doesn't ask. He's used to the conversations that Poe and the little droid have even if he only understands one side of it. 

"I think I might start learning binary soon." He says idly, wondering how difficult it would be. Poe looks alarmed for a second and glances at BB-8 again, who whirs in a way that sounds suspiciously like a laugh.

"Uh, yeah that would be a great idea! BB-8 here would have to be on best behaviour, though." He taps the droid with his foot with perhaps a little more force than necessary and BB-8 unfolds the taser bit that Finn knows all too well, holding it out menacingly. 

By the time they reach Poe's room BB-8's rolled off to check in with R2-D2 and C3PO ("BB-8 says it's about mission reports but I know they just doesn't want to tell me they've found cooler friends") and it's just them in the corridor. 

"This is me." Poe says, nodding to the door, and Finn shoves his hands in his pockets for want of something better to do. 

"Thanks for being there tonight. At the canteen, I mean. I don't think I would've survived that without you." He says, thinking about Poe's hand on his shoulder, solid and grounding. 

"It's no problem, buddy! You need anything, just give me a shout. I'll always be right here for you." Poe says cheerfully.

There's a silence, and Finn feels like he should say something but his mind has gone helpfully blank.

"Well, I'm gonna turn in now. Been a long day." Poe finally says, and stretches his hand forward. Finn takes it, instinctively, and Poe's face goes through about six different emotions in a second.

"What?" Finn says, still gripping Poe's hand.

"Well, I was going for the hug, but if you just wanna handshake that's cool too, I can dig that." He's smirking and Finn feels his face heat up. He's still unused to such easy affection, like what comes from Poe. It's not that he's against it, far from it, more that he's so inexperienced he doesn't know when to expect it. He finds himself cursing the First Order for what seems like the hundredth time. 

"No, no! I mean, yes, I do, I totally wanna hug you!" He says a bit too fast, but he doesn't want Poe to think he doesn't like him, of all things. That could not be further from the truth. 

"Great!" Poe says with a laugh, and leans in again. This time Finn knows what to do, and it's like the time they hugged on the air field or the time Poe hugged him when he first walked across the medbay floor. He can feel Poe's breathing and he finds that he doesn't really want to let go, but he remembers how social norms work and pulls back after a minute. 

Poe's smiling softly when he finally says goodnight and then Finn's left in the corridor staring at Poe's door and trying to figure out what the fluttering in his stomach means.

/// 

Times passes so quickly on the base that before he knows it, Finn's been calling this place home for almost a month.

They're in the canteen again when Poe asks if Finn wants to come over to his room and watch a film that evening. Finn is mentally assessing his tasks and doesn't really notice the way Snap seems to be choking on his water across the table but the jolt against his leg lets him know that Poe must've kicked him in the shin. 

"I'd love to." He says and Poe beams at him. Snap, meanwhile, seems to have survived his near death experience and is waggling his eyebrows across the table. Poe gives him a look and the eyebrows are silenced.

"Let's go then, I don't wanna keep you up too late if you've got important stuff tomorrow. I've heard you're kind of a big deal." He grins at Finn as they leave the canteen and he ducks his head and blushes. He's still getting used to being a 'big deal' around the base but somehow when Poe says it it's even worse in the best way possible. He changes the subject.

"What was that with Snap just now?" He asks, and now it's Poe's turn to duck his head.

"Oh, it was nothing, just Snap being a jerk you know? Don't worry about it." 

He puts it out of his mind. 

Two hours later finds them watching a movie that Finn's never heard of (although he hadn't even known what a movie was three months ago so he cuts himself some slack) and he's not really following the plot but apparently it's a comedy film. He's got his head on Poe's chest and Poe's arm curled around him and he's honestly never been so content in his life. 

They come together so easily these days; a hand on the shoulder when they greet each other, knees and thighs pressed together when they sit side by side in the canteen, Poe's hands over his own when he starts giving him flying lessons. 

Finn figures it's just something that people do when they're close friends, and he's one hundred percent all for it. Poe's presence is comforting and warm and Finn craves it whenever they're apart, as if he's trying to make up for all the affection he lost during the First Order. 

He settles down even more into Poe's chest and the way Poe hums in contentment above him make him wonder if this is what home feels like.

/// 

There isn't much to do around base between missions, and Finn finds he spends most of his time playing cards with Poe and the other pilots. BB-8 rolls in and out with updates from General Organa and Finn listens to Snap and Jess regale stories about the resistance, their home planets, and, more often that not, Poe.

"So this one time we're flying a recon mission, nothing big-"

"You told this one already, Snap." Jess interrupts as she throws down her card.

"No I didn't, this is the other one where Poe colossally embarrasses himself."

"Oh, of course, sometimes it's hard to keep count." She grins at Poe who's hiding his face in his hands already. Finn's cheeks hurt from smiling.

"Anyway, we're flying this mission and it was pretty easy so no one had really been using the comm-link much and our friend Poe, here, must have forgotten his link was still on," Finn looks at Poe who's shaking his head at the ground now, "And we're on the way back when he starts singing this hideously old cantina song-"

"That's made for two different parts right, and he's trying to sing both-" 

"Oh, God, I'd nearly forgotten that, that was the best bit!" Snap's laughing as he continues the story, "And it's not even just the chorus of the song or a line or two, no, it's the entire three minute song, both parts, all the harmonies-"

"And no one else on the comm-link is saying anything because this was just too amazing-"

Poe looks ready for the ground to swallow him up any time soon.

"And finally he stops singing and we wait to make sure and then Jess just goes-"

""What the actual fuck, Dameron."" Jess delivers her line like a professional actor and simultaneously wins the hand.

"And there's just complete utter silence on the comm-link and then Poe just says, really quietly "I thought my link was down."" Snap falls back with laughter, messing up the piles of cards in the middle but no one was really paying attention anymore anyway.

Finn looks at Poe who's red faced and grinning and tries to imagine him singing his heart out in his X-Wing. It's not that difficult a jump to make, from the Poe in the TIE fighter who cheered at every success, and Finn feels so at home among these few people that he feels ready to burst.

"Honestly though," Jess continues, "Poe does have a very beautiful voice. Ask him to sing to you on day." 

Finn sees the wink she throws at Poe and furrows his eyebrows. He still hasn't gotten the hang of winking yet - sometimes people do it when they're telling a joke and sometimes they do it when they're flirting (although flirting is a whole other ball park that Finn has yet to get to grips with) and really, Finn isn't quite sure which context Jess is using it in. 

(He figures it out a few days later when he sees her video comming Rey with a look on her face akin to reverence. Finn may not know much about romance, but it's pretty obvious now that Jess hadn't been flirting with Poe.)

/// 

In the time that Finn's been stationed on D'Qar he's been able to figure out a few things. Aside from all the basic stuff the First Order missed out on while he grew up there, the variety of social skills he had been unaware of is enormous.

Finn figures out pretty quickly that everyone is much more friendly and affectionate here (Captain Phasma didn't exactly radiate love and warmth) and it's like a breath of fresh air. He sees people holding hands as they walk together, hugging their friends goodbye, kisses on cheeks, and gentle hands always ready to comfort. The casual affection is something he never knew he wanted, even needed, until now.

Poe taps on his door one morning and asks if he wants to head down to breakfast. He's halfway through telling Finn about what BB-8 did last night ("That rascal of a droid, I'm telling you.") when Finn takes his hand. Poe stammers a bit on his next word but hardly misses a beat. Mission: success.

Finn decides he really likes holding Poe's hand and when he looks out the corner of his eye he can see that Poe is smiling now he's stopped talking, so he lets himself assume that Poe likes it too. 

They're nearly at the canteen when Poe pulls him aside.

"Is everything okay, buddy?" 

Finn frowns.

"Everything's fine! Why?" 

"Oh, I just thought, cause you-" He gestures to their hands, and now Finn understands. 

"No, no, I just did that because I like you!" He says. He smiles as well, just to let Poe know that he's definitely super okay. Poe's mouth drops open for a second but then he closes it and beams.

"Great!" 

His cheeks are pink but he doesn't let go of Finn's hand till they sit down.

/// 

It's become a habit now between them, going back to one of their rooms together and spending the evening watching movies or playing cards or just talking. Tonight is no different and it's Poe's room they inevitably find themselves walking to.

When they get in the door Finn toes off his shoes and peels off the jacket that lives on his shoulder more often than not and he realises in that moment that he's the happiest he thinks he's ever been. He grins wide and resists the urge to throw back his head and laugh. Poe looks up at him and his mouth stretches out into a matching smile that suits him so well and that Finn thinks he'll never tire of. 

"What is it?" He asks and Finn can't respond, doesn't know how to express his emotions in a way that would make sense, so instead he hugs Poe, and Poe doesn't even hesitate. His arms wrap around Finn as if they fit there perfectly and Finn buries his face in Poe's shoulder, still smiling.

Eventually, they have to break the hug but maybe Finn's reluctancy shows because Poe only pulls back just enough to be face to face with him. His hands are still on Finn's shoulders and Finn's on his waist and they're breathing the same air. He's too warm, can feel Poe's body heat mingling with his own but he doesn't want to break this, whatever this is, so he looks at Poe, at the freckles scattered across his nose and the way the colour sits high on his cheeks.

"You're so beautiful." He murmurs because he's never been known to lie and now is as good a moment as any to let him know. Poe smiles in response and closes his eyes, and Finn watches the way his eyelashes fan out against his face. 

"You are," He presses, wanting to make sure Poe understands, "Everything about you."

"Finn." Poe says, but he doesn't move away, doesn't open his eyes. Finn doesn't know what to do now, doesn't know what comes next, so he does what feels right and presses his lips to the corner of Poe's mouth, quick and nervous. 

His heart is slamming against his ribcage but he gets a response from Poe in the form of his eyes opening, wide and shocked and for an icy second Finn wonders if he's got it completely wrong. 

But then Poe does the same thing, a warm brush of lips against the side of his mouth that feels like a question, and Finn almost forgets to breathe. His hands are still clutching at Poe's waist but now he feels like he's holding on for dear life. 

"Is this okay?" Poe asks and Finn answers by leaning in the rest of the way and kissing him properly. Poe's lips are unbelievably soft beneath his and Finn is halfway to worrying that he actually has no idea how to kiss when Poe tilts his head and kisses him in earnest, effectively stopping every train of thought in his head.

Poe's hands find their way to his waist and his fingers hook onto Finn's belt loops, pulling him close, so close until there's no space between their bodies and Finn feels like he's melting. His own hands curl into Poe's hair and the way Poe gasps when his fingers catch makes him do it again.

Poe kisses him like he does everything else; honestly and with everything he has, but Finn would be damned if he didn't give as good as he got. When he feels teeth graze against his lips he bites back; when a knee brushes the inside of his thigh he drops a hand to Poe's waist and holds him closer. 

Poe starts walking him backwards, not breaking the kiss, until Finn's back hits the wall and Poe presses even further against him. Their lips are still moving against each other and Poe's hands tug at his shirt, pushing it up so he can splay his hands against Finn's chest.

The kiss breaks momentarily and Finn's eyes flutter open, immediately landing on Poe's own lips which look frankly obscene.

"Okay?" Poe asks and his voice is rough in a way that makes Finn bite his lip in want of Poe's, and he nods in a way he hopes isn't too needy until Poe kisses him again. The hands on his chest move, one of them slides to the curve of his waist and the other brushes over his nipple. He shudders and presses his hips forward, wanting more touch, more contact, anything and everything that Poe has to give. 

Poe's nothing if not responsive and he grinds against Finn in a way that makes him see stars and suddenly he pulls away and Finn doesn't even stop the whine that crawls out his throat at the loss of contact. Poe crosses the short distance to the bed and is gazing at Finn with hooded eyes, Finn, who follows as if on instinct. 

Poe's hands find his waist again and his thumbs fit in the divots of his hips where his jeans are slipping down and something seems to cross Poe's face as he gazes up at Finn.

"Maybe another time," He murmurs to himself, and Finn makes a mental note to ask what he's planning, before he's being tugged down to Poe's lips again.

Somehow Poe manoeuvres them until he's on top, legs slotted together and ankles tangled as they kiss and Finn wonders if he'd have ever experienced something like this if he hadn't escaped the First Order. Then Poe's tongue slides over his lips and he forgets all about the First Order and concentrates more thoroughly on Poe's weight above him.

Every inch of him feels burning hot and fuck, he's hard in his trousers, harder than he's ever been, even on those dark nights when he'd first arrived at the resistance base and he'd had a room to himself free from the looming presence of Captains and Troopers. 

He should feel ashamed maybe, but Poe presses down and there's a matching hardness against his thigh and all he feels is overwhelming desire so he clutches at Poe's shirt and bites at his lips, desperately trying for more contact, more friction.

Poe seems to understand and the hand that's not holding him up reaches down Finn's chest until it reaches his zipper and stops. 

"Is this-"

"Yes, god, yes it's okay." Finn interrupts and Poe grins against his lips and drags open his zipper, slowly, so slowly that Finn has to resist the urge to buck up against him. 

Finn stops breathing when Poe gets a hand around him (so, so much better than his own) and Poe trails kisses down his jaw to his neck, sucking at the skin there until Finn knows he's left a mark and not a single part of him cares. 

It's too much, with Poe's mouth on him and his hand stroking him so carefully and he's whimpering and whispering Poe's name into his hair, a litany of yes and please and oh, god I think I love you, and Poe kisses him just to shut him up but he doesn't stop because he likes feeling the way Poe smiles against his lips when he says his name. 

Finally Poe picks up the pace and Finn feels like he's been hanging on since they first started kissing so he pulls Poe inexorably closer and gasps into his mouth as he comes. His eyelids look like the galaxy as he squeezes his eyes shut and Poe doesn't stop kissing him as he shudders through the aftershocks.

When he manages to drag his eyes open again Poe's pressing a hand against himself and Finn's never done this before but he figures it can't be that complicated so he replaces Poe's hand with his own and revels in the way it makes Poe swear against his throat. 

Together they manage to tug Poe's trousers down to a suitable level and when Finn wraps his hand around him Poe let's out a noise close to a sob that makes Finn's breath catch in his throat. When he gets his free hand into Poe's hair and tugs he's rewarded with a long drawn out moan so he does it again until Poe is curling his toes against his calves and coming with a muffled gasp against his mouth. 

They end up laying next to each other kissing languidly in a way that Finn worries he'll fall asleep to if Poe's not careful but he doesn't think that would be the end of the world to be honest. 

"I love you." He mumbles against Poe's lips and his heart skips a little bit as he realises what he said. Poe doesn't even hesitate before pulling back.

"You do?" Poe says and his eyes are so soft. Finn nods and the trickle of fear he felt has gone entirely. 

"Well that's good," Poe says, "Because I love you, too." He presses his lips to the corner of Finn's mouth, to his cheekbone, to his jaw, and even his eyelids until Finn is laughing and he finds his lips and kisses back.

Something settles in his chest, warm and grounding, and Finn realises that maybe home doesn't have to be a place.


End file.
